Friday, February 15, 2013

I feel like I've got way too much to say and no where near enough time to say it. Here's to hoping bullet points help me out again.
  • Last week, Matt lost his job (and his car broke down immediately after). It was a little bit of a shock but thankfully, since we had put back money to buy a cheap RV, we will make it through. It means that we're dipping into that money to pay our bills for the coming month instead of buying an RV but we'll survive. We're going to look for a cheap little apartment close to downtown which shouldn't be too hard to find in this little college town. I'm looking for more bohemian broken up house rather than cookie cutter student apartments but we'll manage either way. 
  • I started my 5th, yes FIFTH, part time job today, working at our local natural parenting store. I meant to quit my nanny job this last week but it's such a hard decision to make since I love that sweet kiddo so much. So right now I watch him twice a week, waitress one day a week, got my doula work, my midwifery apprenticeship, and then now this retail job. It's always interesting to say the least. I think I'm really going to enjoy working there and I look forward to learning a lot more about cloth diapering. I really like all of the people that work there too which is always helpful!
  • And on that whole birthy front, I've been insanely busy. Last Friday, I spent 7am-9pm at one preterm birth, raced with my hazards on to another birth to meet my back up and finally got home around 3am, only to find guests in all my beds and my husband asleep on the couch. I slept for about 2 hours in my little papasan chair then went and ran a 4k (in a pretty delusional state.) I then went to a doula connection meeting, came home & showered, drove an hour and a half to see my dad and his new wife (whom he's been with for 12 years haha!), and came home and crashed. Woke up, waited tables, got a little homework done and then headed off to another preterm birth (this time an apprenticeship person instead of a doula client - and I'd never met her!) I spent the night at the hospital on Sunday night, came home for about 2 hours Monday morning to shower, then went back up there for the labor and birth. I ended up spending the night with that couple's toddler daughter at their apartment on Monday night and then Tuesday morning had prenatals and a full day before work. It's just been a whirlwind and my head is still kind of spinning. 3 births in 4 days left my brain feeling quite mushy and only today am I feeling a little bit more normal.
  • School is kicking my butt just trying to keep up with discussion board posts amidst all my other obligations. I'm planning a launch even for an up and coming non-profit organization created to support breastfeeding education, especially in local businesses, increasing their knowledge of state laws, how to treat and support breastfeeding moms, etc... which is in just a few weeks and is taking up a big chunk of my time too. And I'm supposed to have written an article for another blogger on natural birth and breastfeeding stuff but I haven't done it yet. It's on my to-do list for tomorrow though (and I have a new cute little notepad for my to-do lists.)
  • I'm still dealing with lots of pain, likely from the endo, and I just got my genetic results back from 23& It showed that I am homozygous positive for one of the MTHFR genes and a few other genetic mutations that screw with folate and b12 regulation. The way it was all described to me also describes a lot of my battles with mental illness since two of the mutations have strong ties to dopamine production and regulation causing extremes in mood. It's all really interesting and I'm thankful that I'm not a carrier for any scary diseases. It pretty much confirms that I should not be eating gluten but I feel like it's going to be such a hard lifestyle move to make that I'm trying to procrastinate til we move in April. Like maybe then I can just leave all the gluten behind. I'm hoping that might help with my pain as well. I've decided if I can't get a handle on the pain by July, if I have to deal with my birthday in pain, then I'll resort to pharmaceutical solutions and really put this whole baby making thing on the back burner. I mean, it's not a focus right now but part of me knows it's still a possibility which is something.
So yeah, life is pretty damn insane right now. And I have to admit, part of me is really loving it. It hasn't all been sunshine and baby rainbows though. Like when Matt and I got into a huge fight right when I was having to leave for that birth on Sunday. We fought on and off through messenger all night long and when I had a chance to run home I tried to smooth it over (at least temporarily) with some sultry bedroom moves but that barely lasted until I could make it home that evening. When I got home, it all blew up in my face, forcing me to take responsibility for my shitty decisions (which is never fun) and suck up my pride. We finally cried it out and it feels like we've put it behind us, though sometimes I glance over and see it just underneath his surface. Sometimes I'm not a very good person but I realize now that it can take a bit of effort not to get oneself into situations that test that. I'm going to do better. I have to.


dspence said...

Oh my GOSH!!!! Life sounds crazy busy. Glad you're enjoying it!

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Wow you sound tremendously busy...mixed with both good and bad. I hope Matt finds a new job soon.

Sadie said...

Hi from ICLW. It sounds like you've been through a lot together and have so much on the go. I honestly can't imagine doing the work you do while struggling with IF/loss. You're very strong! Wishing many good things for you.

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