Saturday, December 29, 2012

Well, at least I can stay thankful that my cycles are regular, even after this last miscarriage. It's been quite a bit more painful than I was anticipating but I had some left over drugs to make it a little more tolerable. Today is day one and tomorrow, I'll start the Clo.mid again and hope it works better than last time. I'll take it days 2-8 and then start opks on day 11. Once it looks almost positive, then we'll add in a trigger shot (which I have never, ever done before) and cross all our fingers. I'm feeling hopeful about this month. Not so excited about giving myself a shot in the ass, but I doubt I'll have the heuvos to have Matt do it for me.

Still struggling to overcome this depression and get anything done, but feeling like it may be on the upswing. I know I'm a weirdo, but I get kind of a high from the Clo.mid. I mean, I'm bitchy as can be but at least I'm not sad. I'm going to attempt to start running again. I quit running in early October when I threw my back out and just haven't been able to get back into the swing of things. I'm hoping it will play a role in turning this god awful mood of mine around.

I also got to go to a pretty incredible birth yesterday too (of a client who also dealt with infertility) which has definitely played a role in me feeling a little better, more optimistic. It was a nice reminder why we're putting ourselves through this. There was validation in watching years of waiting melt away as they saw their son for the very first time. I have a pretty amazing job!

2 comments:

dspence said...

I'm surprisingly fond of the trigger. I always feel very... well, sexy and fertile... right after. :-) I hope this is it for you!

Anonymous said...

Rochelle, I've been reading your blog for a while and couldn't help but post. I think I may have tried in the past, but I'm not sure if I ever had the gumption to do it.

I am a nursing student like you, with a desire to be a midwife, though I struggle with the idea of being surrounded by pregnancy and birth sometimes. I also have endometriosis, diagnosed in 2009. I've had several early losses as well, including a chemical last month. For a very brief moment, we were in the same DDC.

If you are around, you should PM me sometime on MDC (aphel), or I would happily pass on my email, if you are looking to commiserate (which I always am, ha). If not, know that I find your perseverance and determination quite inspiring, and I'm rooting for you as well.

Be well,
L

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