Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The last few days have been pretty great. I have spent some time with both my current doula clients, had two days to sleep a lot while covered in mentholatum to kick the majority of my illness, and then got a visit from one of my best friends. I am just such a happier person when my Wanda is around. She and her husband just passed their cytotech boards about a month ago and we've known since then that it was a possibility that they would be moving to North Carolina for a job. Her husband found out last week that they need him to start asap so they're moving tomorrow (Wednesday). She had already been loosely planning to come stay with me at some point and this just solidified it. 

She drove up after she got off work Sunday and left just about an hour ago. We spent Sunday night watching zombie movies and talking nonstop. We woke up pretty late yesterday and just lazed around for a while. We finally got ready and headed to the local wildlife rescue/drive-thru safari and petting zoo. We got to pet some kangaroos (which are sooooo soft!!), a calf, baby piggies, and even two 13 week old lions! Then we drove through which took about an hour where we saw hundreds of other animals, including a camel that did not want to move out of the way of the car. After that we went out to eat at my favorite little coffee shop a few towns north of us and then spent hours and hours visiting with the awesome Mac family. I feel like a celebrity when I visit them because as soon as I ring the door bell I hear the pitter patter of little feet running about screaming, "mommy, Rochelle is here!" "Rochelle is here!" many times before the door opens to lots of smiles and hugs. The hours flew by as we all visited together and hashed out past stories of both joy and woe. We made it home pretty late last night and then ended up staying up until 3:30am talking and watching silly tv. As soon as she left, I missed her and got super sad that we didn't get a picture together while she was here.

 I'm hoping she will be back in December for a pharmacy school interview a few hours from me and that I'll be able to somehow make the drive while being on call. I've got another secret plan in the making but it won't be revealed until Christmas and won't go into play until March of next year.

I'm hoping tomorrow I can talk Matt into going on another hike with me since neither of us work and we have no other plans. And in honor of Halloween, I will leave you with a picture from many years ago. If we actually had somewhere to go tomorrow night, I think I could totally recreate the look and give Pippi a comeback! The Clo.mid hasn't been awful at all, the perks of taking a few months off I guess. Even my period was strange, short and easy. Instead of the usual 4 days of heavy with 2 or 3 more days of spotting, it was light one day, heavy the next 2 and then done. It was pretty pain free too. I took a little naproxen sodium on the two heavy days and that was it. No pain pills at all! Stay tuned for another picture of our smooshing our faces together on top of another mountain tomorrow. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Lately I've been feeling like my life has become this stagnant mess. I frequently find thoughts in my head to support whatever psychological illness I've chosen to diagnose myself with on any given day. Even when I'm not nearing my period, crying comes easily. A commercial, a children's book, even a radio ad, can trigger whatever I'm letting build up inside me. I haven't had much time for solitary release, keeping myself constantly busy or surrounded by people. I guess it has all finally caught up with me. I fought a sore throat last week (& let myself be a tad excited that it was right before my period) that has now turned into a full respiratory funk. All day yesterday and all day today I've just felt wiped out and full of mucous. It's unpleasant to say the least. I'm going to blame my brain fog from this funk for the decision I made while at the pharmacy.

I went to the checkout with pads, chocolate, cough drops, Mentholatum, and a Clo.mid refil. We've been on a break the last few months, not trying, not preventing, just going with the flow of life. While it's been nice, I'll admit I've gotten a little jealous in the ttc blogosphere as everyone else moves forward. Since we can't afford any IUIs right now, the office said it should be fine to take some more Clo.mid. I know, I know, unmonitored is scary and it's probably going to make my endo grow back even faster but you all know by now, rational thoughts have little place in the infertile mind. So, we're gonna do 100mg of Clo.mid this month, took my first dose last night, and hoping it gives me the little euphoric boost it has in the past. Who knows, maybe we'll actually get lucky this time. 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Hey everyone making their way over here through the ICLW! Take some time to wander around and learn more about us on the "our journey" page at the top.

We're not actively doing anything towards bringing our children into our lives. We saw a reproductive endocrinologist in July who said I had superb ovaries and seemed equally as puzzled about why r + m isn't equaling a baby. We agreed the endometriosis has to be a factor and he suggested we do a few IUIs before moving onto IVF. After my laproscopy costing us over $7k that we'll be paying on for a while and a couple other random huge expenses we've had lately, it's not looking like we'll be at a point to afford any of that any time soon. I graduated nursing school in May, took my NCLEX in August, and still don't have my results thanks to some stupid juvenile offense from over a decade ago. There's really no timeline on how long it will take to get all that sorted out so for now, I'm stuck waiting tables and nannying, randomly taking on birth doula clients as possible and praying that it leaves us in the black at the end of the month. Since we can't document that we have $200 left over at the end of the month (and some months we don't), we can't pursue the foster/adopt route at the moment either. Sort of feels like most of our life is just put on hold for the foreseeable future. We've been filling our time with too much TV and not enough talking so that's why we've added in our weekly lunch hike which I'm hoping will help us feel more connected.

I taught a focus session at the state nursing students convention a few weeks ago on nurses and doulas. I planned for maybe 15 people to show up since it was an early slot that conflicted with some other really great sessions. You can imagine my shock when the entire room filled up with eager nursing students (and even a faculty member or two), ready to  hear me speak. I had such a great time doing it and felt so at ease, so at home in front of my "class" that I have really be doing a lot of serious thinking about the educational path I plan to take. My goal since before getting accepted into nursing school, has always been to become a nurse midwife and while that is still something I'm incredibly interested in, I feel like I have the possibility to make so much more change as a teacher. Being able to reach the minds of so many nursing students so close to when they go into practice seems like an amazing opportunity to get more nurses focused on giving evidenced based care and not just going along with protocol. We'll see where it all takes me, and I may just end up with a DNP or DMP anyway. I'll be in school forever. Matt is getting used to the idea. Especially if I'm willing to get a decent paying job and let him be a stay at home dad.

And on that note, I asked that crazy man how many kids would be his maximum number and his answer left me shocked! He said "well, do I get to be a stay at home dad?" and when I said yes, he said "seven." SEVEN! Seriously, seven kids?!?! I figured he'd lowball it and I'd work up to four. He is going to be such a great dad and hopefully we can figure out a way to make that happen very soon!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I need to sit down and give a proper update but life has been crazy as usual. I had an over 48 hour birth which felt like was immediately followed by being out of town for 3 days for convention. I managed to mess my back up somehow while I was gone and I'm still dealing with that. Despite the pain, we held strong to our hike yesterday and I'm glad we did. So with that, here's a picture of our smooshed together faces for your enjoyment. I swear, a real post is coming soon.

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