Sunday, September 16, 2012

       Well Friday I finally drove the 4 hours I needed to in order to retrieve what I hope was the necessary documents that the state board needs to see that, yes, I was indeed 12 years old when I threw some girl's backpack in the toilet and got criminal mischief. I'm sure I'll have more hoops to jump through now but I won't find that out until tomorrow when I call up there (not that this lady will likely call me back though.) I'm anticipating the need for character references so I'll be sending out an email blast to a ton of people if that's the case. I jokingly want to send them like 50 of them, perhaps bound together in a nice coffee table book full of lovely words about me in 50pt fonts. I hand delivered the papers to the state board office, waiting in their lobby for over 30 minutes just so I could hand it to a real person. When she told me I could have just left the envelope there on the counter, I explained she didn't understand my luck lately, which is why I didn't trust putting it in the mail either.
         After getting that taken care of, I got to go get my haircut for the first time since November, which meant seeing one of my best friends for a little bit since she is my rockin' hair stylist. You can't really tell I got a hair cut at all except that my ends don't look crunchy and I have a few more layers around my face. It's still super long (which means super low maintenance) and I love it. I just get out of the shower, towel dry it real quick, and go about my day. I never knew I'd be so thankful for my board straight hair. 
       Then, I got to see my other bestie, right after passing her cytotechnology board exam! Since I hand over my state nursing students association board position next month, I'm not sure we'll get to continue our once monthly visits and I've come to rely on them for sanity. Her husband, who also passed his boards that same day, is interviewing tomorrow for a job out of state and I am only a little joking when I say, we will follow (especially this particular state.) It was great to get to catch up with them both.
       I left from there to go see my mom really quickly (which is usually a hilarious concept but I lucked out and they were all outside so I managed to actually stay only the hour I intended.) We got a nice little visit and then I was on my way to pick up my Nana so we could go visit with my dad & stepmom. I think I (accidentally) spent more time talking with my stepmom than I did my dad but he was watching some hot rod shows and was really into it. My conversation with my stepmom (whom I adore) helped me put my worries into perspective a bit. She has been looking for work for so long now that she's finally given up searching anymore. She has trigeminal neuralgia which has an incredibly high rate of suicide to go along with it because it is so very painful and the slightest thing (like a breeze, chewing, talking, burping) can set off pain that quickly fills her entire head. On top of this, she has a tumor in the base of her brain and all she really knows about it is that it exists. She hasn't had health insurance in a long time and told me she's to the point where she's not sure she even wants to know any more about it. She doesn't want to find out that it's wrapped around a bunch of stuff and/or inoperable. She deals with all this on a daily basis, along with the fact that, while I call her my stepmom, her and my dad aren't actually married. My dad has his own little business and I found out that he hasn't paid taxes on it in a while. She's scared he's going to keep being irresponsible and let it build until the gov comes after him. She wants to marry him, he wants to marry her, but she can't take the risk that in punishing my dad, they end up taking her house & everything she owns as well. I totally understand that but it still breaks my heart, especially when I think of how short all our time is on this side of existence.
      From there, I went back to my Nana's to stay the night. It was just like being a little girl again, sleeping there in my Nana's big bed with her rubbing my back. When I woke up in the morning, it smelled like cleaning supplies and I could hear her in the kitchen mopping while singing gospel music. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to be a grown up again yet. I was so overwhelmed with my own feelings that I lay there for a few moments and silently shed some tears. After 10 minutes or so, I finally got up and started getting ready for my day. We shared some coffee and sentiments about visits never being long enough. I could never live back in my hometown, but it sure is hard to leave sometimes.
     I had to be at my board meeting at 9am and I didn't leave until a couple minutes after 6pm. It was a longggg day and then I had a 3 hour drive back home after it ended. I had to drive through a ton of rain but I made it. I have a ton of email type stuff to do when I get home from working this afternoon and then tomorrow I can take it easy, lay in my hammock a while, do a little event promotion for the Meet the Doulas event next Saturday, and chitchat with a client & other mamas at the monthly ICAN meeting in the evening. I will remind myself throughout this week how blessed we really are, even when it feels like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

(And thanks for the encouraging words after my last sad little pity party.)

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