Tuesday, August 21, 2012

(First off, hello to everyone coming from ICLW. You can read about our journey from start to finish at the page at the top. Right now, I'm in purgatory waiting to find out if I passed the NCLEX (the licensing exam to become a registered nurse){and also on call waiting for a doula client to go into labor so no getting drunk to mask the anxiety}. We're not currently doing anything special to try and make a baby, just hoping for some better insurance in our future.)

And for my NCLEX drama, I finally got the courage up to call the state board yesterday afternoon and spoke to a really nice lady about figuring out my test score. I explained to her what happened with the website and she didn't understand, so I explained it again. She took my name and SSN and put me on hold. Then she came back on and said she couldn't find a record of me registering to take the test. She put me on hold again and switched to another computer where she finally found where I took my test on the 15th but didn't have the results and she didn't know why. She took my phone number down and said she was going to do some more investigating and get back to me. She didn't call at all today so I decided I will try and swallow it up and call them back tomorrow morning. So I still don't know what I made and I'm losing my rate at a slightly quicker rate than usual.

I've also decided this must be what it feels like to be close and/or past your due date while pregnant  because everyone that loves me is texting, calling, facebook messaging like mad to ask if I know anything yet when they're all aware that I would be shouting it at the rooftops, whether I passed or failed, just to be out of this place of waiting waiting waiting.

I got to try and help a friend on a rough day this morning. It was the EDD from her miscarriage earlier this year and she had a major breakdown at work (which isn't far from me) and called me to see if I could get her drunk. It was like 10:30 this morning when we decided to go to a more adult friendly coffee shop and then we came back to my house to watch some trash tv while she sobered up. I was glad I could be there for her, coming from a place of understanding since I spent my EDD super drunk and miserable.

Then Matt and I spent the rest of the day together. We fetched my nanny guy's dog from their place while they're out of town, we spent some time watching a comedy show at our friends' home, and then came home and I cooked him some barbecue chicken, cheesy scalloped potatoes, and chocolate chunk cupcakes. It was all super, super yummy. Now we're going to watch the series finale of Smallville (and I will cry.)

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Ugh. I am seriously the worst blogger. How in the world has a whole month almost past? We've been holed up on our couch devouring Smallville (all 10 seasons in pretty much a month!!!) When I left off last, I'd just had my NCLEX paid for and ran a 5k. I'm still running, getting in about 10 miles a week right now but hoping to increase that once our weather starts to cool off a bit (and the sweet angel baby who I ran my last 5k in honor is a big sister to a beautiful, chubby cheeked little girl!)

As for my NCLEX, I took it last Wednesday. I had to wake up super early and drive about an hour south of me to the testing center (and I am sooooo not a morning person.) I already wanted to puke so you can imagine the pure horror that I felt once I realized that I didn't have my authorization to test email that I needed in order to even be admitted into the testing center. I immediately burst into tears and the lady at the desk pointed me towards the nearest Staples. I drove there quickly only to discover that it was closed which caused even more panic. I immediately thought of my sweet, super awesome friend Lisa, who used to live in the town I was testing in, and called her. She panicked for me too and got online to help me search for a place where I could print the email I needed. She located a fedex store for me and I was really, really, really super thankful that they were open and could help me out. I was in such a hurry to get out of there and back to the testing center that I actually ran into the automatic doors because I was practically running back to my car. So I got to take my test right after pretty much having a panic attack and crying a ton. The picture that they took of me prior to the test (to confirm that I came out the same person?) looked so terrible because I was trying to smile through stifled tears. I got 75 questions and was done in about 50 minutes. I should have been able to see my test results within 72 hours of taking the exam and while the state website had no problem taking my money, confirming that they had the results, and letting me proceed to the following page only to have a big blank space next to where my score should have been!!!!! I could have thrown the computer. I checked again this morning and got the same thing. Someone told me to call tomorrow and I think I'll be the first call through. I've got no fingernails left and it's pretty much all I can think of right now.

We aren't really ttc at the moment. Not doing any preventing, (unless you count being too stressed out to really do any babymaking) just let it kind of fall off the radar for now. And soon, I'll  hopefully be transitioning into a new job so who really knows what's happening on that front. If I end up with good insurance, we'll go ahead with the IUI, if not, we'll keep on, keepin' on. On the adoption front, it's on hold for the moment too since our finances are less than ideal. I think at this point, one look at our bank account would send them running for the door. I'm just feeling stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck. I can feel change on my heels though.

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