Friday, June 1, 2012

I ended up starting yesterday evening after a day full of cramps and backache. Didn't end up going to the prenatal I had scheduled. Ate a ridiculous amount of crap food. Finally had to take a pain pill just to get some sleep last night since the pain so quickly escalated.

I woke up around 6am today from the pain and have been super nauseous. I even threw up uncontrollably for about 15 minutes, which at least brought some relief from the nausea. I thought after last month with barely a cramp at all, that the lap had really brought me some relief but this is worse than it has been in a very long time. It seriously makes me want to just stop taking the Clomid all together. I keep reading things that say that Femera is really a better option with endo and I know my dr would prescribe it for me if I asked. I really just wish we had the money right now to see an reproductive endocrinologist but I can't see that happening any time soon.

Matt hasn't worked all week due to circumstances outside of his control and there is still no guarantee he will have work next week either at this point. I am not sure how we are going to make it through the month. We had to borrow money from my in-laws just to pay rent today. And so once again, I'm wondering if I'm just being selfish by not pursuing a higher paying nursing job even if I would be miserable for a while. We both cried last night as I confessed how I just don't know how much more of this I can take and how desperately I just want to shift the focus right now.

It makes me long for the days when no one knew why we weren't making a baby because processing the emotions that have come along with feeling like this is my "fault" has been one of the hardest parts of this journey and I wonder if it will ever end.


robin said...

Are you sure all of this is side-effects from the Clomid? That kind of pain and nausea seems extreme... :(

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