Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Life has been busier than I knew was possible but it has been so amazing. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, even if it felt way too short, where I got to see almost every family member all in one day. I also got to spend time alone with my sister in law which hasn't happened ever! It was fantastic and I enjoyed getting to know her a lot better. Things are constantly changing so I will take you through the developments, one big chunk of my life at a time, if only I can decide where to begin.

Nursing school sucks time and energy out of every day without any added responsibilities. I enjoy a good challenge though so I fill it up even more. I am serving as my school's Student Nursing Association Vice President this year and then on top of that, I ran for a state office at the Arkansas Nursing Students Association convention in October and much to my surprise, got voted into the position of District 2 Director. It hasn't really changed my time management very much other than driving to Little Rock (about 3 and a half hours each way) one Saturday a month for a board meeting. I am lucky enough to get to carpool this weekend for our December meeting. I also have an additional, optional online class that the school offers so that we can get our full time status and I've really fallen behind with it. I have a paper to rewrite and a presentation to prepare tomorrow when I wake up. I was supposed to have a pharmocology test in the morning but my instructor is sick so she had to cancel until Friday which saves me from having to stay up ridiculously late tonight and gives me time to get a lot of stuff done during the day tomorrow before work (and write a blog post.) My grades are lower than they have ever been this semester but I just have to be thankful I am passing because I know some people haven't been. It blows my mind that in about 6 months I will be graduating! Two weeks from today is my final for the semester and then I can say I am in my last semester!

Matt hardcore made fun of me for going to see Breaking Dawn but don't worry, I went in disguise. I couldn't find any Groucho Marx disguise glasses so I had to improvise with dollar store toy glasses, cardboard, construction paper, and kabob skewers. I even added the blue hat to cover my red hair haha.It made the night so much more fun and we made fun of the movie and the actors for most of the movie.

Matt and I have been awesome. We do such a better job of finding time to just be with each other. A previous doula client of mine took some pictures for us as part of a sort of bartering and we had a blast taking them. It was fun and they turned out super cute. We have been doing so great that I started having second thoughts about pushing forward with adoption plans. I am having to wait for my current CASA case to go through right now anyway and since their next court date isn't until Valentine's Day, there wasn't going to be any movement anyway. I talked about it with Matt anyway and felt so much better afterwards. It was nice to hear that I am not the only one who loves our little life right now with just the two of us. I haven't felt this kind of contentment in a very long time.

With all that said, today I had an obgyn appt to get an always fun pap smear (even the name sounds dreadful.) He immediately commented on my 20lb weight loss since I saw him last and asked me about nursing school which I was impressed by since we have only ever met once before. He went over my ultrasound results and Matt's semen test again, noting their complete normality and we talked about what it was like during those three 50mg clo.mid cycles. He gave me three options: 3 more rounds of clo.mid at 100mg, try 3 months of Femera (two and a half times more expensive, off label use, really for breast cancer), or head towards a laproscopy. I went with option number one so we had a talk about the increased risk of multiples and that if this doesn't work, we will re-discuss the lap or maybe just an HSG. My insurance won't cover the full cost of either of those so they will likely be put off until I have some insurance through nursing job, next summer at the earliest. I am not looking forward to double the ovulation cramps next month but I'm hoping that I get that weird high from it again. I told him about that and he said that he has only met one other woman who said she felt like that on Clomid and she got pregnant with twins during the 5th round. He might have just been blowing hot air but his enthusiasm and confidence that we won't need further interventions was pretty contagious.

I got a new haircut last time I was in Little Rock and though it took me a couple days to get used to having bangs, I really love it now (and all the compliments I keep getting on it.) I have kind of plateaued with my weight loss and can't seem to fall under 199 right now. I am pretty proud of that number though because I started out at 219. I am having a hard time sticking with running now that it has gotten so cold so I am looking into gym memberships for Matt and I in the hopes that we won't let the winter get the best of us. And now, for some sleep before I conquer the rest of the things on my to-do list tomorrow morning.

Monday, November 14, 2011

I am not a finisher. I start tons of projects, to do lists, blog posts, etc. but few of them get completely done. Right now I am procrastinating. I should be doing one of the many things on my existing to do lists but I am just worn out. I left my house at 6:30am Saturday and didn't make it home until after midnight. Then I had to wake up at 8 Sunday to work at Dixie. And of course we were swamped. I made really good money but I feel it throughout my body today. I had clinicals from 6:30-3 and then went to a bitch fest at DCFS about my CASA case. I have clinicals again tomorrow followed by a run (weather permitting). Then I am likely to come home and collapse into a heap on the couch. I should study but I doubt out will happen.

This is all further proof that it is all in the timing.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Big test tomorrow and I am feeling so unprepared. I'm going to just hope for the best and take extra anxiety meds with me. Wish me luck!

Sharing with you what our pups looked like almost a year ago and what they look like now.

Monday, November 7, 2011

 I'm barely keeping my head above the water and my grades are definitely showing that. Long day at clinicals today, more studying to do before bed, and I just want to run away! Ugh, and now rain that just makes me want to climb in bed.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Today has kicked my butt! We were super busy at Dixie and I ran around for 3 hours straight with barely a chance to catch my breath and since the majority of my patrons were over the age of 65, I do not have much to show for it other than sore legs. I wasn't near as sore this morning as I expected to be after that run yesterday but once I got home from Dixie everything began to ache. I completed a writing assignment very last minute, helped a friends print her wedding invitations, and got the full cd of pictures from yesterday (though I haven't even had the chance to look at them.) I am wiped out and hope to get a restful night of sleep before my first day of clinicals for my care of adults 2 class. Ugh. I hate leaving my house when the sun hasn't come up yet and I really hate med/surg clinicals!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Head some fun pictures taken by a previous doula client of mine, pushed orr bodies running, and felt an earth quake. Now to deal with the muscle soreness of tomorrow...

Friday, November 4, 2011

Today the prompt deals with preference between pen and paper. Despite how infrequently I actually write in my journal, I really prefer it for the more heavy stuff, the most private of my thoughts, especially as this blog has grown more frequented by my real life peoples. It is so nice to just go hike out a few miles, find a nice spot by the water for my hammock, and pull out my journal. I've been writing in it on and off for three years now and sometimes, reading back on things helps me feel so much more thanful for the life Matt and I have today. While I enjoy the community of blogging, it lacks the intimacy of journal writing and the openness you can have when you think no one elses eyes will ever read it. 

Tomorrow, Matt and I are going to have pictures taken with the beautiful fall colors as our back drop. Then we plan on a nice hike followed by week 1, day 2 of couch to 5k, even though we are both still super sore from day 1. Basically, I am not going to want to walk at all Sunday when I have to wait tables. Starting the new year off lighter than I've been since jr. high will make it all worth out though.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Todays prompt had to do with listening to music while blogging and I could do just about anything while listening to music. I clean best, study best, and definitely work out best when music is playing. I have to have a couple different things going on at once to function at top level. Maybe it's from being one of four kids but quiet just makes me uneasy. Some of our friends with kids tel me to enjoy that quiet but I just never have. I've always been a multitasker and nursing school has just intensified that. It's almost impossible to get this far into nursing school without figuring out how to be doing fifty things at the same time...guess they are just preparing usa for a job in the real world. I am kinda feeling like I'm barely keeping my head above the water right now and I know things (and people) are being neglected but I can't imagine how much I'd be struggling if I hadn't ben honing my multitasking skills.

And a glimpse into the escape of  my day of flu shifts and calculation homework...

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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

It is fitting that the day two prompt for NaBloPoMo is about what you eat if your next meal were to be your last because hard core diet time starts tomorrow. Since convention I have gained back 4 of the 16 I'd managed to lose and it is time to reverse that asap. Matt and I have decided to do the couch to 5k program and hopefully run a 5k in January. I am excited to see the transformation in both of us.

We acted like it was our last meal on Sunday night and went to try out the new Five Guys. To me, there is just nothing like a good burger and it was a lovely way to send off unhealthy eating. Of course, I would have loved to have gone next door and filled a huge bowl full of frozen yogurt and delicious toppings but I was still counting calories (besides I was just too full.)

I have to give little kids flu shots tomorrow at a flu clinic and then I'm hoping to take my dogs to a local park to scope out the perfect place for Matt and I to have some fall pictures made this weekend. I am looking forward to taking advantage of these beautiful colors and hoping that it doesn't storm too much over the next 36 hours and tear all the pretty leaves off.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I have decided to use this next month to catch everyone up and participate in NaBloPoMo at the same time. I just got elected into a state board position with the Arkansas Nursing Students Association which will swallow even more of my nonexistent free time. I promise to talk all about the state convention, campaigning, and all that fun stuff on Thursday.

For today, I am going to use the prompt from BlogHer and explain a little bit about why I love writing, especially blogging.

I remember when I first started blogging over 7 years ago in high school with xanga. Like most high school girl blogs, it was full of angst and boy talk. That evolved into a blog I kept through livejoural the whole time I was in New York which chronicled my culture shock and multitude of random dates. It wasn't long after my return from New York that I started dating Matt (which has now been 5 years ago!!!!) and marriage came only 6 months later. I had been blogging sporadically until we realized that we were going to have some issues getting pregnant and then it became my go-to spot for venting that I couldn't do elsewhere. That blog ended up being deleted after my miscarriage and subsequent separation because I had started to just use it as a weapon. A weapon towards Matt to make him think I was just happy, happy, happy without him and a weapon towards myself as I relived every glorious moment of my pregnancy and every trauma of miscarrying. There have been so many times that I wish I had those posts but I'm sure it's for the best. I started it back up soon after we got back together but it was only for me. I never intended for anyone to read it then and still remember how excited (and nervous) I was when I got my first few readers. I almost changed the way I wrote and how much I shared but eventually rounded back to it being more for me than anyone else. This has become such a part of my life now that I can't fathom a time where I won't be blogging.

As we continue to navigate the path of infertility, nursing school, and beginning to dive into foster-adoption, blogging and the community surrounding it is what keeps me going most days.

My favorite thing about blogging/writing.....cheaper tham therapy.

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