In case anyone has actually been following as my blog shifts to less and less baby-making talk (thanks Candice and Shandi!), I did decide to go for the workshop. The big issue is still money, even more an issue now since I found out the workshop is $400 instead of $300. I already paid the $50 deposit and the rest is due on the first day of the workshop, which is July 14th. I am doing random babysitting for a little bit of extra cash to go towards my workshop fund in addition to an extra shift at Dixie this week which will go into that fund. I've pretty much set pride aside in asking for people to make a small investment in my future career and think about all the women that small amount of money will help.
Monday, I went to my first birth since before my miscarriage in September of 2008. Part of me was so very ready for it, to jump back in and be that support again but there was some definite self-doubt and fear too. I was so worried that maybe I'd get in there and all those scars would bust right back open and suddenly I wouldn't be much use to anyone, but I totally underestimated myself. It was quite different from the births I've been to in the past just because it was induction and that adds a whole new list of fights. My client and her husband both were amazing and she responded really well to the pitocin. She did end up getting a very light epidural (she could still move her legs) and a 4th degree tear but that baby is absolutely perfect and she is happy with her birth experience (which is really all you can ask for at the end of the day.) I am still feeling the exhilarating high from it days later. It was such a great reminder why I am putting up with all the stress and belief compromising of nursing school. It also made me second guess my nurse-midwife plans and re-open my homebirth midwife options.
In addition to the exciting events of getting to be a part of someone's birth again, I also had an amazing opportunity dropped into my lap. I was attending a prenatal with another doula client of mine who is due this fall and switched to a homebirth with a midwife I absolutely adore and we got to talking about how I need some more clients for certification births and how I'd love to have them be homebirths instead of hospital births. She had another midwife that was working with her who unexpectedly quit so she's got a very full load, especially in November and December and was looking for someone to help her out, to be that familiar face to her clients who may end up with her back-up midwife whom they might not have an established relationship with. It also means a chance to flex my skills a bit, possibly checking fetal heart tones and passing her instruments while maintaining her sterile field. I could not have asked for a more incredible opportunity and I am super hopeful that this is going to open way more doors than I could imagine.
Things are good on the marriage front right now too. We're still not back to 100% by any means but we're well on our way. I'm not sure what exactly we should be doing differently, though I just know we're on the right path. No matter what happens in the end, I know we'll both be thankful for this time together making sure that we don't ever have to hope just our love will be enough. We weren't careful this month, not like I have been the past month or so, and unlike I felt last month, I'm just fine with that. I am just feeling so much more confident that we are going to make this a relationship that works for both of us and will do anything to make sure each is as satisfied as absolutely possible.
Thanks again for all the amazing support I've received these past few difficult months. The women in this community never cease to amaze me.