Friday, April 1, 2011

I really, really hate this day. Pretty sure I always will. A gigantic joke played on me by the universe that I'll never understand.

My heart aches today wishing I were celebrating a birthday today. I can't believe how much time has past. I would have a two year old if life were at all fair. This day wouldn't suck me into a pit of despair every year. I'd joke and laugh with everyone else; I'd be that one joking on facebook about being pregnant with another. But my life is forever changed.

4dpo is super boring by the way. Not a single thing to obsess about and take my mind off of all the weight today holds for me. I guess I still have a little bit of hope that maybe this month will be the one. That after all this time waiting and mourning, we'll finally get to see what the other side of IF is like. 4 days until I leave for Utah and I'll be testing next Sunday morning which is the first morning I'll be home.


Amanda said...

My heart breaks reading this post. I'm right there with ya. I would have either a 3 month old, or be 6 months pregnant today. I think time is the only thing that can heal this kind of loss..and even then, it probably won't ever heal completely.

I agree, 4 dpo is very boring. It's limbo...

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