Monday, April 25, 2011

In honor of National Infertility Awareness week, I'm participating in the Bust a Myth Infertility Blog Challenge. Head on over to the RESOLVE website for some support or more information about infertility. They had some pre-made myths to tackle, but none of them really spoke to me so I've decided I'll tackle my own that I've come into contact with many, many times over these past few years. So the myth I'd like to break is "you got pregnant once, it'll happen again soon" or "at least you got pregnant."

Of course, since we were only 19 and 20 when we started trying to conceive, we heard a lot of the very common (and very untrue) "just relax and it will happen" or the equally common (and awful and untrue) "you're young so it will happen for you soon, when it's meant to be." After 14 long months (which seem like a flash at this point), we finally ended up pregnant. Needless to say, we were absolutely thrilled and shouted it from the roof tops immediately. That pregnancy ended at 12 weeks and I saw some of my darkest days during the six months that followed. That's also when I experienced this little phrase repeatedly. There I was at my most vulnerable and grief stricken and people were trying to bring me comfort by telling me it's ok that my baby was gone because at least I could get pregnant. It just felt like all my sadness was being so easily dismissed by others. Soon after, I heard a lot of "well you got pregnant once so surely it will happen again" and all the supposed fertility that one is supposed to have after a miscarriage but none of that rings true for us. Every single book I read said basically the same thing, like every miscarriage has this silver lining. Even my doctor when I went in for my first visit with him, spoke of my miscarriage like it was some great thing.

It's been almost 3 years since my womb carried life and not even a hint of a baby. We're still stuck with no idea why I'm not pregnant, no idea what really comes next when we finish this Clomid up next month but can't afford to move onto injectables. Just be mindful of your words, don't try and provide false comfort, and just let us be sad and pissed off about infertility from time to time. It's far more common than you think.

9 comments:

Carlia said...

it's so true that this myth is widespread. i even believed it about myself after my first miscarriage. it took me over 2 years to get pregnant again. after 3 miscarriages (which i don't really like to blog about - too depressing), each of which took us over 2 years to get to, we still don't have our baby. thanks for shining a light on this myth!

Esperanza said...

What a well written and thoughtful response to such a common Infertility Myth. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope the future holds wonderful things for you, it sounds like your past has been very difficult indeed.

Happy ICLW! (#67)

createdfamily.com said...

Thanks for sharing part of your story. We choose similar myths to bust and we are the same age. What number Clo.mid cycle are you on now? I'm nearing the end of my third.
I wish you all the best! Happy ICLW!

Summastarlet said...

Loving reading all these myth bustings!!

I have nominated you for a blogging award. Check out http://summastarlet.blogspot.com/2011/04/blogging-awards.html for details!

LisaB said...

Thanks for sharing this! I also can't stand the "you're young" comments. A lot of people don't know that I'll be entering early menopause, so being young and relaxing is not the key to our success! I wish people would be more aware and sensitive.

Residency Widow said...

I've seen this myth getting busted on a number of blogs recently. I don't have first hand experience with miscarriage so thank you for sharing your story and shedding light on how people shouldn't react to the news.

marriage20 said...

Beautifully put! I busted the same myth on my blog. Wishing you all the best.

Amanda said...

What a great myth buster. I got that a lot too. Then people ran out of stuff to say after my 2nd miscarriage. It just isn't fair, and we don't need a solution all the time. Just support.

I nominated you for an award, check it out :)

Heather said...

excellent post, those words must really hurt..
I am also a teacher
wishing you all the best

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