Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Matt was a little overwhelmed
We had a really great vacation but I feel like I need another vacation to recover from all the driving and running around we did on this one. I fell in love with North Carolina and could very easily see us moving there when I graduate, raising a family there (in a secular home school group!), while I work at their awesome birth center or one of the many CNMs who do home births there (since they're the only legal option at the moment). And I feel like we'd be able to make friends in the area really easily as well. I stocked up on skirts for the summer from the many thrift stores in the area as well. I may never have to wear pants again. The nice thing about a town full of skinny hipsters is that there aren't a lot of fat people to pick through the thrift stores; it felt like they left it all just for me! We made a lot of fun memories with old friends, met new friends, and had more social interaction in a few days than we normally get in a whole month.
Wandering the UNC campus

playing around with the timer
Baby Jesus from the cake at a belated Mardi Gras party
The drive was absolutely gorgeous as well. While the mountain were still pretty bare, every so often you'd catch a big burst of color: purples, reds, whites. I saw many little waterfalls and springs along the mountainside as well and spent this part of the drive in awe. We drove back Wednesday and made it to Nashville where we spent the evening before driving the rest of the way back to Arkansas. Then started the crazy hectic few days where we try to fit in some sort of quality time with every single one of our family members which always proves exhausting. I think we both even managed to squeeze a few minutes with friends too. It just never seems like enough time and we know if we move out of state, it's only going to get worse. Right now, we only live about 3 and a half hours from our families and they still never come see us, so if we move 14 hours away, we'd all become strangers.

We added some more crazy into the vacation with the Clomid. I finished off the pills the 2nd night we were in North Carolina but didn't have a chance to really get away by ourselves, temping was hard to remember to do, couldn't remember to do opks, and just felt like my brain was being pulled a million different directions. I was looking forward to our hotel room for together time more than I was looking forward to sleeping in a real bed after a few days on a pallet (which my back still hates me for.) We had some fun on a back road in Bald Knob late at night as well to avoid any weirdness at the in-laws. I just was so unsure of when I would actually ovulate this month so we wanted to make sure we covered all the bases. I finally got a positive opk Sunday night and again Monday morning but I'm still waiting for my temps to reflect ovulation (which would be easier if I could manage to wake up at the same time every morning.) I had the worst ovulation pain of my life on Monday so I'm really hopeful that the Clomid made some big, healthy eggs this month. I was so bloated that even my scrub pants were uncomfortable and if I walked too hard, I really got uncomfortable. It was a night full of grimacing but I'd do it a million times over if it means I get a baby out of it. I was so uncomfortable when I got home from clinicals (and we had all of 10 minutes together before Matt went to work) that I couldn't even think about baby making so we might have missed the actually ovulation day, but we definitely had plenty every single other day. I absolutely love this part of the two week wait when you can still be hopeful but reserved before the real obsessing begins and hope sort of dwindles away.

I jumped right back into waiting tables at Dixie Sunday morning, homework that evening and then clinicals the past two evenings so right now I'm drained. Matt also started his new shift and is working from 11pm-7am which is definitely going to take some getting used to. It really sucks with my evening clinicals since I get home about 9:45 and then he has to leave about 15 minutes later. Then as he's getting home in the morning, I'm waking up to either work on clinical paperwork or get ready for lecture. And then I have nanny work immediately after class until 7 or 8 at night so our time together is going to be almost nonexistent for a while until we figure out how to make this work for us. I learned that I have a really hard time falling asleep in the house by myself and I wake up really easily at every little noise. So I've had like 4-5 hours of sleep in the past two nights and that just doesn't work for me. I feel so raw right now, like the smallest thing would be the tipping point towards tears (and already has a few times this morning.) If I don't figure out a way to get some sleep soon, I might lose what's left of my sanity. And I know that the Clomid will raise my progesterone which lead to a more emotional state these next 12ish days too.

I leave in 6 days to go to Salt Lake City, Utah for the National Student Nurses Association national convention so it's basically just go, go, go until the end of the semester. I fly out of Tulsa at 9am next Tuesday and I get back late Saturday night. The trip isn't costing me very much since our schools' student nurses association rented a condo for us all to stay in that way we don't have to eat out every meal. I am super excited about the break out sessions on the future of nurse midwifery as well as one on high risk pregnancies. Finally, things I'm actually interested in! I came back from the state convention feeling energized, motivated, and inspired and I am desperate to have those feelings back to combat this burned out feeling I have right now. Besides, it's always nice to be super busy for the two week wait and I refuse to take any hpt's with me or buy any tests while I'm there so that rules out testing early and forces me to wait until I get home. I know I'll be tempted but hopefully I can hold out. There is a great paid internship locally that part of me would love to apply for, simply to be able to put that experience on my resume' next year, but I just feel like I need this summer to myself. I need some hiking and camping and fun without having to really think too much about nursing school at all. And who knows, maybe I'll actually end up pregnant!


Dusti said...

We live about an hour away from UNC :) in Greensboro, NC! I can't imagine living anywhere else!

Sending positive vibes about the Clomid use!

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