Tuesday, February 1, 2011

This past weeks feels like one knock down after another.

First, my car has to go into the shop leaving me stranded when Matt is at work. Luckily, I live really close to one of my classmates so I've at least been able to get a ride to and from class. It adds so much unneeded stress. And now it's going to take over $600 to get it back from the mechanic. And we most definitely do not have that right now.

A good chunk of my utilities have late balances since I only paid what I could afford on them. We had to ask our landlady to accept our rent on Friday instead of today. And the list of financial woes goes on and on.

If only my car could have held out another week. If only the school wasn't closed for two snow days this week so that they could process my financial aid check on time. If only I wasn't so prideful and unaware of what's socially acceptable, I could have graciously accepted the $600 advance my amazing nanny boss offered me while I wait on my aid check.

I've been cautious of posting about our financial stress on here because I've always worried about other's criticism of our continued ttc efforts despite being stuck in the poor house until next summer but I started to figure out that a big chunk of us infertiles are not waiting for that "ideal" time for a baby that will most definitely never come. If it weren't money, we could find another excuse.

Also, on the baby making front, this past week we discovered that the Zan.tac (raniditine) that Matt has been taking for that past almost 15 years for his ulcers has been shown to drastically reduce sperm count! Uhhh....this could have been some useful information a few years ago! Needless to say, he is no longer taking it and I'm sure he'll be eating a lot more tums so now I'm trying to research what/if any effects calcium can have on his boys. Only a few more weeks until he's eligible for insurance so I'm hoping March will finally be the month where we get some numbers to go off of, even though they may still be affected by the raniditine since it takes about 90 days for new sperm to mature. Part of me hopes that there will be some sort of issue just so we have something to work on (and maybe once he's sees on paper he'll finally quit smoking cigs.) I would stab myself with needles daily, undergo as many surgeries as needed, stand on my head for 9 straight months, and then some, but he just won't/can't quit smoking. My fingers are crossed that his insurance will totally rock and I'll be able to give up my crappy, good for nothing insurance in exchange for his. I've yet to see what this means for us, but we do live in a state where infertility coverage is supposed to be mandatory (anyone know about things like this?)

So yeah, I've been pretty down on myself lately. Another stranded snow day tomorrow that I'll try and fill with nursing school work and laundry. If the roads are even a little bit more clear tomorrow (which they might not be with a high of 16 and a low of -5) I might try and go take care of my sweet ninja.toddler for a few hours. I haven't even changed out of my pjs today. I wish I could say that it's been a while since I have been this lazy but I've been doing this way too much lately. We won't even talk about my shower status. And still, I'll use the insurance change over excuse to not go to the doctor for anti-depressants.

This money shortage also means it looks like I'll have to wait a few more months to take the doula workshop I was so looking forward to. I'm still holding on to a little bit of hope that they'll allow me to register late next week, even if I have to pay a little extra because I'm just so ready to get this show on the road. I have to call one person tomorrow about possibly attending her home birth in just a few short weeks. I've also agreed to a hospital birth in October for one of my awesome nursing school classmates. I'm still hoping to pick up some ladies this summer too, of course. I really want to be fully certified by the end of this year.

I have to find some way to cheer up. Or at least figure out how to fake it better.


Aramelle said...

Money problems are the worst. And don't cars just know exactly the worst possible time to add to money problems??? Sorry you're having a rough week.


Julie Anita said...

Sending you a hug, since my brain is burned out and I can't form coherent thoughts <3333

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