Friday, February 25, 2011

This has really been a great week. School hasn't been too awful or stressful, just one older adult test and a lot of sitting through lecture. Next week will be a lot more difficult to handle since it's the beginning of clinicals. I have a hard enough time with it thanks to my hospital anxiety, but add on an instructor who makes me feel intimidated and even more nervous and I get a gigantic cluster of anxiety in my stomach when I even think about it. Monday is just going to be ridiculously long since I validate on inserting nasogastric tubes from 10-12 and then from 1-9:30 I'll be at the hospital (which reminds me I need to buy new shoe inserts.) I know I'll make it through, but I also recognize that it might be a struggle for me too. I am super thankful for my awesome clinical group though because I know I can lean on them on my weak days (and because they remind me I'm not the only one who gets nervous about it.)

I've been able to enjoy some shopping time with friends and I'm loving my purchases. I think I'm going to end up being one of those people who owns a pair of Toms in every color because they're just so comfy and my feet don't stink in them. Retail therapy might be the best kind! And when you're doing it with awesome people, it makes it that much better. Tonight, Matt and I are going to go to the local Borders that is going out of business to get in a little more retail therapy after going out to eat dinner together.

I've connected to the hubby all over again (read: sex that has nothing to do with wanting a baby!) Yeah, so what if this is that lovely fertile time of the month, it's not like we'll end up pregnant anyway. It has totally reminded me how awesome our relationship was pre-marriage (I'm telling on myself here), since the month we got married, we started trying to conceive and sex kinda lost it's hotness after about 6 months where I started using the excuse of "we're married and married people just have less sex." Both of us struggled with depression during those first few years (and we still have our dark days) which I'm sure had a lot to do with it too. But yeah, it's been a good week which might have a little something to do with a few of the things I put in my Valentine's gift to the hubby that he's drawn since then, as well as figuring out I can get a back massage any time I want. It's all about compromise (and really great conversations!) We also went out last weekend to the dog park and to Monte Ne which was really neat.  I took the picture of him right as he let his smile go, that's why he looks so mean haha. It has so much graffiti inside there!

This month was going to be an off month but now we've just decided to keep my insurance (paying for 2 separate plans until the new policy kicks in) so that I can go ahead and get our first few visits out of the way. Even after 3+ years of this, it still just seems silly to take any time off, no matter how small the likelihood of pregnancy might be. I still can't believe that a week from today, we may have some sort of preliminary plan (and to be honest, I'm getting more and more nervous about it with every passing day.) I am really coming to realize how much my anxiety has had to do with me putting this off. We kept saying it was lack of insurance, lack of that extra couple thousand dollars, etc... and in part, both of those are a little true, but really I was just scared. It's one thing to be going this alone and have my personal lack of faith, but it's going to be an entirely different feeling if that lack of faith is validated by a doctor. I know this is a necessary step but it's all I can do not to call and cancel (which is what I did last time I had an appt finally set up.)

I also had a great short hike with my puppies Wednesday night. We went out to my favorite short trail and it was Boomer's first time out there. I sat out there and watched the sunset behind the mountain, walked out into the lake bed again since it's still so low, and just enjoyed that time inside my head while wearing my dogs out. I can't wait for things to start warming up so I can get out there more often.











 The only thing that's missing from my amazing week is my sweet toddler.ninja who has been in LA all week. He'll be back next week (during my busy school week) but I'm sure I'll get to watch him at some point. I miss that kid when he's gone.

5 comments:

Jenni said...

I always find that taking the next step is scary and anxiety inducing. It's never easy, and I'm always afraid that I'm going to be turned away, or told that it's pointless, or any other number of depressing things. Hold on, keep forging ahead, go after what you want, and good luck.

Kate Bentley said...

Happy ICLW! I have decided there are two types of people on this road: Those that cure their anxiety by shaking the medical profession by the throat and trying everything under that sun. And the other that think good things come to good people and surely this should happen at some point and their anxiety is going down the medical route because that means something is wrong, and if they cant help - who can? I am with you in the second group - I did get there - but it was stressful - but the stress is at it's worst when you are imagining - and when you get the right help, and huge weight will lift from your shoulders - honest.

Sending huge love xxxxx

AP said...

Hey there! Thank you so much for offering Taking Charge. I would love it! I will pass it one to someone else when I'm finished, too. Hopefully it will get paid forward several times.

Let me know where to send my info!
AP

Sara said...

Well, yay for reconnecting with your hubby! Your pups are cute and that building looks really cool!

Misty said...

Hi from ICLW. I'm glad you and your husband are reconnecting. IF definitely takes a huge toll on your marriage. It looks like you had a great time with your puppies! Good luck and best wishes.

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