I will learn to cook one new meal a month and return to the meal planning that helped us save so much money. (Well, I learned how to cook chicken coconut currie, chicken enchilada casserole, black bean burgers, minestrone with Italian sausage, pumpkin chocolate chip muffins/bread, guacamole, spaghetti and bean balls, and maybe a few more that I can't remember so maybe not one a month, but I'm sure I'll learn some more this year.) This year, I'd like to learn how to make more slow cooker meals as well as meals that are easily frozen so that they can be thrown in the oven on the nights when nursing school and work has just been too much. I'd love for Matt to learn how to cook more meals too since he's actually home most evenings, but I guess I can't really make that goal for him.
I will return to the couch to 5k program that I had grown to love before catching the flu as well as try to start doing yoga again at least once a week. (Uhhh, yeah, this totally did not happen. I keep looking into doing a hot yoga class around here but I'm just so self conscious, like this fat chick walking in would just be out of place.) In 2011, of course weight loss is on my list again. I'd love to start working out with Turbo Jam again since it actually makes it kind of fun, but when school starts, it's just so hard to find time when I'd rather have that extra hour of sleep. I'm actually going to look into a weight loss clinic here to see how much a round of hcg protocol would cost me. Of course it would mean taking a break for a few months, but for my health, it would be so worth it.
I will strive to recycle more and waste less. (Unfortunately, we weren't able to recycle near as much as I would have liked to this past year, but we have been re-using a lot more and re-purposing or giving to the thrift store a lot.) We now have a special recycling trash can as opposed to the bins they had before. It allows us to recycle a lot more each week and it doesn't have to be sorted. The program doesn't even start until next week and we already have an almost full can. It makes me feel good to be recycling the same amount as we are actually discarding.
I will get into the NWACC nursing program and thrive in their small class size. (I totally did this!!!! I made it into their nursing program beating out hundreds of other applicants to get into one of the 40 spots in my class. And I managed to make it through my first semester with a B.) This next semester I have two classes (Care of Adults 1 and Care of Older Adults) and while I would love to get A's in both classes, I will be very happy with B's. I already have about 15 chapters to read before class starts on the 18th so I know this will be a much tougher semester than the last. Only a little over 16 months until I can sit for the NCLEX and get my RN certification. But that's only the beginning; Fall 2012 I hope to get into the Frontier School of Nursing ADN-MSN bridge 12 month program and then into their nurse-midwifery program. And anyone who knows me knows I won't be satisfied stopping right there, so I plan on attempting to get a post-masters certificate there in family nurse practitioner, and at some point down the road get certified to be a nurse educator as well so that I can pass on my passion about birth to future nurselets.
I will learn new ways to cope with my mood swings, even if that means forking over hundreds of dollars to be medicated. (I feel like 2010 has been a much better year for ups and downs, although it seems to have brought with it a totally new level of anxiety, which only worsens in hospital environments but it really getting better thanks to constantly pushing myself and being surrounded by amazing people who let me tag along with them for comfort.) I actually have a little bit of health insurance now so I could just go to the doctor if it gets too bad and I actually do plan on going soon to talk about this new anxiety that could actually affect my career so in theory, I could talk about the depression as well, but it's just so difficult to bring up.
I will finally get the dental work I so badly need. I hope that by the summer of 2010 no one will be able to wipe the smile off my face and my self confidence will quadruple. (I got this done too!!!! I now have a totally new smile, which I show off all the time, as much as I can, got amazing pictures taken with my husband to show it off even more, and I have so much more confidence and I feel like being able to smile so much has just made me happier in general.) I do need to go to the dentist to have some of my bottom back molars looked at, but I might need to get some additional insurance first. I've been looking towards changing policies, maybe even companies, pretty soon, especially if I can lose some weight and can reapply.
I will strive daily to be optimistic and thankful for the babies and pregnant ladies in my life, while still not feeling guilty for days of bitterness and self pity. (I think I have done a pretty good job about this. I had some dark days where I cursed the world for it's unfairness when two friends loss their precious infant daughters this year. It just brought back waves of grief and it was so hard to see it's impact on my best friend to watch her very close friend lose this very anticipated baby. I have been lucky enough to get to spend a lot of this year loving on my friends' precious sons who I am so very thankful to have in my life.) Optimism is always a good goal, but some days it seems to out of reach when everything starts to pile up. I just have this feeling that 2011 will contain a lot less self pity and bitterness.
I will finish my DONA birth doula certification and finally start charging for births. (I didn't get anywhere closer to this thanks to two jobs and nursing school.) And since none of things are going anywhere in 2011, I'm not sure I'll get anywhere closer. But one day, really, I promise.
I will conceive a healthy baby that will live this time. Although I probably won't get to give birth in 2010, I will get to be a mommy again. (Oh, this one is kind of like a punch in the gut. It's hard to believe another year has passed without anything, no progress at all. We're still in this stagnant, childless rut and while I know nursing school isn't the ideal time for a baby, you can't make a heart not ache for it.) Well, a girl can hope now can't she. If 2011 would bring me a baby, that would be amazing, but at this point it's hard to find hope that it will happen so we'll just bide our time until I have a nursing job with cushy insurance that allows us to further investigate the world of infertility.
I will make sure that my husband knows how much I love him every day and I won't retreat to the bedroom to sleep until any and all arguments are resolved. (I think we both did an amazing job this year making sure we both know how strong our love is and that it's always worth it to work through any problems thrown our way. We were both so much less passive aggressive and actually tackled our problems head on....ok, so we do it through email, but it still gets the job done.) I'm looking forward to celebrating another year with my awesome hubby. I am so lucky to have him and there are so many days where he's the only thing that keeps me going. Every single aspect of our relationship has grown and improved this past year and I know it's only going to get better with time.
I will learn from all the lovely MDC ladies and actively be a sponge. (I actually ended up retreating from MDC a lot this year. It became a place I went just to feel sorry for myself and at one point, I even had Matt change my password so that I couldn't go the any more.) This next year, I'd love to get pregnant of course which would mean relearning a lot about cloth diapers, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and all the other crunchy things I'm so desperate to do which I would definitely do at MDC. Even if that miracle doesn't occur, I'd still like to learn how to make my own soap, learn a few recipes from there, and maybe even try and find some time to knit something new.
I will write for myself. I don't ever expect this blog to get very much traffic but it does wonders for my state of mind. Just being able to get my thoughts out and remind myself that it's ok to struggle from time to time. (It's crazy how far my blog has come in one year. It really wasn't until July that I started talking about my blog and it started getting it's first traffic. Since then, it's had a 1,410 views which just blows my mind. I loved participating in the ICLW this past week which is where a big chunk of that traffic came from, especially most of the last month. It's crazy to me how many people in my real life read this blog and at first, it was really uncomfortable and I censored myself here, but I've become more and more lax about it and most people know by now that if you read this you may get way more information about me (or my uterus) than you ever wanted, but people still seem to read anyway haha.) This next year, my blog may get more traffic, but I want to promise myself to stay honest about my feelings and about what's going on with our lives.
As for our New Year's eve, Matt's friends came back in but thanks to lots of snow in New Mexico and Arizona, they didn't get here until a little after 1am so we decided we'd celebrate pacific time. We all had a glass of champagne and then watched the most awful movie ever made, The Room, which is low-grade porn quality at best and has the worst writing, editing, acting, and more that I have ever seen. It's so awful that I feel like everyone should have to see it. Look at some clips on youtube if you've never heard of it; you won't be disappointed.
And now, I would like to share a few pictures of our new puppy, who we did decide to name Boomer. Boomer and Cordi are already the best of friends and love to play hard and nap hard, as long as they're together. We really have just fallen in love with her over the past few days and she is just the most cuddly, sleepy puppy right now so it's super cute...I'll let you see for yourself.