I've decided to just be brutally honest. I have been struggling for about a week now. Usually, I can keep a pretty good handle on the sad; lock it away some where safe and out of sight. But this week it has crept up on me, into every hour of the day. I even have sad dreams, or worse, the happiest of happy dreams that I have to wake up from. Maybe it's just starting back to school or the fact that my ninja.toddler is gone on vacation still. I am just not much fun to be around for sure.
There are now two people in my nursing class that are pregnant. I am happy for one because her journey has been a bumpy one and she deserves all kinds of happiness. The other one just seems like she's going to annoy the ever loving piss out of me. I have the feeling she'll be the one constantly complaining about how sick she is and how miserable and boo mother effing hoo. I'd give anything to be puking my guts out for nine solid months if I got a baby in the end. One day, this kind of news won't be so full of mixed emotions. I can be happy for people I don't know, people who I've only ever talked to online, but when it comes to people I know in real life, I just want to roll my eyes and go hide away until they're done. It's not that I want anyone to tip toe around me, that's most definitely not the case, but now that my infertility is pretty much common knowledge, just stop fucking asking me if I'm next because it's pretty statistically unlikely that I am.
I'm just sucked dry and I need some rejuvenation. I'm hoping to fit in some hiking Thursday after school because if I don't escape from myself soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.
Also, I started another blog to help me study for nursing school that lets me recount what I learned for the day. Don't worry though, no post today since I barely paid attention at all. Let's hope tomorrow goes more smoothly.