Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope writing challenge for the month of February is somewhat a focus on love. It's highlighting the love and kindness shown to you by others during your pregnancy or infant loss that really touched your heart.

There were so many people who reached out to me (even while I was pulling away) to show me that they cared, that they were thinking about me, and that they loved me that I couldn't possibly just pick one so I'll just reminisce about them all.

I'll never forget getting a call from a local florist the Monday following my miscarriage asking for my address to deliver flowers from Courtney.Love. She seemed kinda bummed when I assured her that it was not the famous one she was thinking. Instead, it was a combined effort from two sweet girls I went to high school with. They always had big, caring hearts, but considering we hadn't really been in touch since high school (except maybe through facebook), it really stood out to me as an act of love and kindness in a time when I so desperately needed it.

My dear sweet friend Lisa called me as soon as she found out. There I was, sitting drugged up in the ER when I received her call, and something about just hearing the heartbreak in her voice warmed my heart just as if she had driven hours to see me. At first, I immediately worried something had happened to her little one too since it had only been two weeks since I saw her when she came through town to announce her own pregnancy (after 7+ years of trying!) which thankfully was not the case. It took me a while to get over the disappointment of not getting to be pregnant together, of our children not being almost the same age, of just losing that one shared connection. Her friendship is so very valuable to me and you'd never guess looking at us now that she was once my 4th grade teacher! She is pretty awesome and even let me live with her for a few months while Matt and I were separated which really helped me heal as I got to participate in the joy of her pregnancy and live somewhat vicariously through her. She now has two precious boys (11 months apart!) whom I love so very much and they make me all the more thankful to be in her life.

My mother drove up and just sat with me all night long. We didn't really talk, we just sat there together, in silence, knowing that we both knew this pain, as she had multiple, repeated losses before ever carrying me to term. I was really too drugged up to carry on much of a conversation and usually could only spit out a few words before it melted into incoherent tears and mess.  It really brought us together though after years of angsty teenage years had ripped us apart and our relationship today is still better because of the care and love she provided during that delicate time.

So many women on MDC reached out to me during this time too and their loss section prepared me more for my miscarriage than anything else I had read on the internet. All the personal anecdotal stories about every gruesome detail that they experienced down to the size of clots prepared me for what I was going to see far more than hearing it may be "like a heavy period" which is most definitely was not.

I am glad I will never have to see the person I would have become if not for the love that surrounded me when I needed it most. Our loss ripped my entire life apart and turned everything I knew upside down even with that love, so I'm not sure if I could have survived it alone. It's one thing to feel alone, but an entirely different one to actually be alone.

I also volunteered to be the group leader for the Face2face group for Northwest Arkansas. I hope that by the end of this year, we'll have had at least 4 or 5 meetings with at least that many women. It's supposed to be very informal and laid back so I'm really looking forward to it. It's nice to think I could bring some love and support to a grieving mother in need of some friendship but don't want to go to a for-real-intimidating-on the spot putting-formal support group. Go like it and spread the new to your NWA friends. 


junebug said...

Dropped in to say I'm your secret pal from January!! I had a great time getting to know you through your blog this past month. I hope you got your package and enjoyed the goodies. :-) Junebug

Lisa McSpadden said...

I was (and still am) heartbroken for you. :( It really got my heart that you worried about ME when you heard my voice. I so wish I could have been by your side, but am thankful that your mom was and how much that helped your relationship.

Thank you for loving and adoring my boys the way you do. ALL of us Macs ♥ our Rochelle!!!

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