Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Well, I'm still not totally convinced we made the right decision. I'm actually racked with regret thinking we've somehow upset the balance in our house now that we're outnumbered by animals. This new puppy is crazy feisty and even though she's a fourth of the size of Cordi (our 8 month old Border Collie), I still worry that the new puppy is being too rough with her. The mom is a pit bull, the dad might possibly be some sort of Shepard mix. She definitely has a pit head but then you look at the coloring on her tail and it's definitely like a Shepard. The people who own the actually painted this poor puppy BLUE!!!!! so that she could be in their "weddin'". I so wish I were kidding, but that's Arkansas for you. I think that's a big reason why Matt didn't just go and look, but ended up coming home with her. We couldn't leave her with the hill folk who think painting dogs as accessories is a fun pastime.  Right now we have her sharing Cordi's crate but I know that won't last long, even though I have no idea where we'll put another crate unless we stack them which will make our room even more unpleasant and cramped. They may get moved into our guest room once we're done having company this week. The new puppy doesn't have a name yet but we've got a few contenders. I'd love some feedback from my followers! What do you think she looks like? Boomer? Starbuck? Buffy? Willow? Bazinga!?

I still can't get over this sickness and now seem to be constantly hacking up a lung. Despite feeling like death ran over, I took the ninja.toddler bowling which was a blast! At one point when I was coughing he looked at me and said, "oh no! cough? you ok. you tough," which just cracked me up and made me cough even more. He had a great time although he would have had more fun if every time was his turn. He's just getting so expressive and verbal and I love every bit of it. I always call him a turkey when he takes his shoes off in the car, and now his favorite thing to do is to take his shoes off and immediately start going "gobble gobble." I really just love this kid if you can't tell! (and I really hate this freaking cold!)

I am looking forward to temps in the high 60s tomorrow which hopefully means a trip to the park to tide us over until spring. I don't work until the afternoon so I'm hoping to get a lot of puppy playtime in as well. I absolutely can't wait for Friday! Not only do I have the whole day off so I can procrastinate on my cleaning, but Matt's friends from North Carolina are coming back through on their way home to stay with us another night. I am so very excited for them to get to visit again and it will be nice to ring in the new year with them too although I'm sure it will be very low key since they'll be arriving after 10+ hours of driving and have another 17 hours of driving when they leave the next day.

Also, half way through the 2ww and I'm so bored. Not even tender tatas, which of course I'll obsess about since I always have them by now.  Now let's just see if I can make it til next week before I test and kill the bits of hope that I have right now. Matt and I joked last night after he brought home that crazy puppy that surely this will mean I'm pregnant now right. We let the joke go on and on listing all the things we should just go ahead and do: move into a studio apartment, get another cat, sell both our cars and buy 2 motorcycles/scooters, decide to focus on all the things we could do if we have a child-less life, etc. It was fun and depressing all rolled in one. Do you ever do things like that to try and find ways to jynx yourself in the right direction while trying to convince the universe (and yourself) that it's what you want/need?

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I am having one of those night where I am very aware of how similar my mother and I am. Not just in our rapid mood swings, smart ass comments, and even a few similar interests, but in the person I am growing up to be. When I was a child, I often chastised my mother because of the crazy things she did like raise and kill our own chickens, turkeys, and even once, a cow when it froze to death one winter. She always tried to have a garden too. I made fun of the way she tried to conserve things and reuse them when possible. I was especially embarrassed when she would dumpster dive for produce and other goods behind the grocery store which she would use to feed her array of animals. My mom even drove us into town in a horse drawn buggy from time to time when we missed the bus after she lost her license due to seizures. As a kid, all of these things were super embarrassing but now, these have all become things that interest me. I have slowly become this crunchy hippie chick who would love to have a homestead and live with less impact on this planet. Granted, I like to think I won't become a hoarder like she is (both stuff and animals at this point), but every passing year just seems to bring out more and more similarities. My teenage self would just cringe right now if she saw me.

I am very super excited about the new recycling can that the city has handed out to everyone. It's a lot more space than we had before and it doesn't have to be sorted!!!! I've already got a bunch of stuff in it even though I can't put it out until next week. We're also going through our closets and giving everything we don't wear to the local charity thrift shop down the street. I've also decided to try and figure out a way to start making our own soap. Matt habitually washes his hands and I am still amazed at the amount of soap I end up buying. We're putting a home-made dam in our toilet as well to use less water since the majority of our water bill every month is considered "sewer" water. That includes water from our washer and shower as well but we can't really cut back on those any more than we already do. Matt already says I'm too much of a hippie and that I should shower more often, but I just don't sweat like he does. I'm always looking for new ways to cut back on my spending too so one of my new goals for this next year is to try and keep a list of things that are cheaper to buy at Harps, Wal.mart, or Aldi's that way I'm not wasting time driving to all of them before deciding where to save a few cents.

The hubz is out looking at a new puppy prospect at the moment so tomorrow's post may include a new addition to our family, but I swear, I'm not becoming a hoarder. Right as Matt got up to leave he said, "I seriously gotta get you knocked up somehow or we're gonna end up with a farm." He was just joking but I'm sure hoping it doesn't happen like that. Lots of cramps this month even though I'm a week away from testing. Ugh, this stupid body of mine.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I am going to brag! I am an Iron Commenter! That means that over the past 6 days I have commented on 135 blogs. It's been a ton of fun and I've come across so many amazing ladies! I'm already looking forward to doing this again next month (although since it comes during the first week of the semester, I'm sure it'll be enough of a struggle to just keep my head above the water participating).

And now that I'm already done, I can use my day off tomorrow to clean, do laundry (with my fun, new dryer!), and play with my puppy before Matt gets home and we head off for friends and free dinner. It's only free because that's what Dixie gives out as their "Christmas bonus". It's four dinners, four drinks, and four desserts free which is nice because we always treat our friends or family. I'm thankful for it, but not quite as thankful as I am for my Christmas bonus from my nanny job which was wayyyy better (and allows me the chance to fix my car soon).

Various ideas for upcoming posts include: "We're crazy and want to add another animal to the mix", "new years resolutions are lame and cliche but jeeeeesus do I need to lose some weight", and "things we're gonna do in 2011 to be better to our Earth." What would you prefer to read next?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I worked way harder at Dixie today than I had planned on having to. We were two people short, only had one (half-zombie) host, and lots of chaos. After almost $800 in sales, I was very ready to go home. So I did some grocery shopping first for the week while I was out and have been sitting on my couch ever since (even though I know I should be doing some laundry so I have clean clothes for the week).

I've been doing some crazy amounts of commenting these past few days and only have 8 more blogs to go in order to make Iron Commenter this month which I'm pretty excited about since it's my first ICLW. I know I'll be really looking forward to this time of month from here on out.

10 days til a new cycle wipes the 2010 slate clean (or maybe not).

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Matt and I slept in this morning and then opened the gifts his parents sent us. I got some socks, some necklaces, and some smell good things. I got Matt some vintage movie posters (although some of them haven't come in the mail yet) as well as a new sweater and a dvd with 25 different westerns on it. Matt got me the entire Angel, Buffy, and Firefly comic book series as well as a book called The Wet Nurse's Tale which I'm super excited to read. My friend, S, and I  had plans to go grocery shopping last night to get supplies for a Christmas dinner but when we arrived at our S's home, her baby was napping and we had to wait on him to wake up before we could go. By the time we got around to leaving, every single place was closed except Walgreens. We had then decided we'd just make a breakfast for Christmas thing since we realized we could pull that together without the grocery store. By this morning, we decided we'd go one step farther and go to IHOP for a Christmas brunch since we found out they'd be open. It was a very unconventional Christmas but we enjoyed ourselves and the company. She always apologizes for being "boring" but we like going over there since we are just as boring too. Besides, I love her kid a whole bunch. He's super cute and seems to think I'm funny so we get along swimmingly. I'm thankful to have reconnected with her and to have more friends in this area. So we went out to lunch and then hung out for a few hours afterwards. Here's some pictures of her lovely home and bright blue tree. I like the reflection of the fire in the window. It was the perfect day for the fireplace, even if it is the only day of the year it gets used.


I got an amazing $300 Christmas bonus from my Jewish nanny employers. They're pretty amazing and I couldn't have possibly found a better family to work for! I am always blown away by their kindness and generosity. I hope that I'm able to keep in touch with them and watch David grow into the incredible young man I know he'll be.

It's still snowing, just flurries really, but it's not sticking. It's just been enough to leave little bits behind. Maybe it will be even more apparent in the morning as I go into work. My day of waiting tables makes me all the more thankful for my awesome nanny employers and my sweet little toddlerninja!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas today!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Welcome ICLW-ers!!! For a brief synopsis of what this mess is about, see the ICLW post from Tuesday.

I have such great friends. They support me even if they might not agree it's the best decision. They love me even when I've got my cranky pants on. They're always there when I need to vent. And today, one of them bought me and a dryer as a Christmas present! We've been without a dryer for a little over a month now. We've just been washing clothes and then hanging them up all over the house to dry. We have an old house that has one of those ugly wall heaters and it has worked out really well to just hang clothes over that and turn the heat on when we need something dry quickly. It hasn't really been that big of an inconvenience although we've been wearing pants a few times before washing them and the laundry does seem to pile up a lot quicker. It just seemed like every time we had the money to do it, we wouldn't be able to find one worth it, or we wouldn't be able to find a truck to borrow to get it to our house. I'm soooo looking forward to fluffy towels again though since the air-dried ones are really crunchy. I am just so thankful for the wonderful people that fill my life.

I am also excited about finally making our Christmas ornament for this year. It will say "When the world says "give up", hope whispers "try it one more time."" Now if I can just manage to find my hot glue gun! Have a great Thursday!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

We had a great night at a friends' house tonight visiting and letting our dog play with theirs. Tomorrow will be a nice, relaxing night in since we've gone out every night this week so far. And then Friday is back to Fayetteville for grocery shopping for dinner Saturday. I thought that my break from school would feel more like a break. At least I can't say I've been bored at all. .
I am exhausted already today. Two hours at Jump Zone really took it out of me and we'll be going back whenever the ninjatoddler wakes up from his nap. I was told that I was "the queen of the Nemo jump" by an adorable little girl and since most parents go there in order to let their kids be crazy with minimal supervision, I was like everyone's nanny. I've hugged and comforted a bunch of strangers' children today. I always hear from other's how great I am with kids (babies in particular) but I sometimes forget that not every one has this natural talent for dealing with kids. It seems like kids see this too and so I felt like they all just flocked to me when they got hurt today. It was pretty cute. I also got to cuddle my friends' sweet little one again last night and she jokingly said I should come move in with them haha. It's a nice self esteem boost sometimes when I realise that I do have this knack for comforting and quieting little ones.

We'll be joining that friend for Christmas dinner and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm glad it won't be just the two of us sitting at home moping since we aren't going home to see family this Christmas. I work the day before and the day after so it just wouldn't be worth it to drive down to central Arkansas since we'd have to turn right back around and head back. We're not sure yet what we're going to cook (and we'll probably figure it out at the last minute) but I'm sure it will be good times.

And yay for my properly working body. I have been reading all these new blogs from ICLW and seeing so many women with ovulation/ regularity issues and it has just made me feel so lucky to have regular cycles. I am even more thankful that I ovulate every single month without fail, even if it is about a week later than what most people consider "normal". I finally got a positive OPK  last night (cd20) and an even more positive one this morning. I'll test again when I get home tonight and see if my LH is still surging. I felt like I had some O pains yesterday so it would make sense that it will probably happen today. It will be fun to know we really stand a shot this month even if it would mean a baby in the middle of my 3rd semester of nursing school. I like to think they'd bend the rules for me since I know it's been done in the past, but at this point, there are very few things I wouldn't sacrifice to become a mother. So as of now, it looks like I'll be testing during the first week of the year, and what a wonderful start to the year that would be!!!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's IComLeavWe week!!! Which for me means lots of commenting to keep up! This is my first time participating and I'm really looking forward to all the new blogs I'm stumbling upon. For all the ICLW folks, here's a little bit about me. I'm 23, my hubby is 24, we've been married and ttc since May 2007. After 14 months, we finally managed to get pregnant only to lose that baby at 12 weeks in September 2008. My husband and I split up that following November and didn't reconcile until June 2009. We've been trying again since then. I have really crappy insurance that doesn't cover anything infertility related so right now all we have under our belt is two failed Clomid cycles and hope that a miracle will happen some day. I am currently in nursing school and will graduate in May 2012. I talk a lot about the stress of school here too, but as many of my fellow infertiles know, after it's been this long, no event can really get in the way or make you stop trying. I plan on eventually becoming a nurse midwife and would love to spend the rest of my existence on this planet improving the maternity care system here in our country while serving women in their homes. I'm not religious and have a potty mouth from time to time too. I think that gives you a pretty good idea what to expect.

Sorry I failed at DPP for the past two days but I've just had other things fill my mind. Matt forgot all the paperwork I needed at home so my appointment was cancelled again. I don't even know if I'll find the courage to reschedule since it took so much for me to actually call the place and get an appointment to begin with. I had a small emotional breakdown in the parking lot and I am super disappointed but by now, I'm used to that feeling. Luckily, my boss from my nanny job brought us back amazing BBQ from Jack Stack in Kansas City which was just the treat we needed after a disappointing day like that. We also got to go spend some time in Fayetteville seeing friends and I got to love on a sweet baby boy who thinks my face is just the funniest thing ever which boosted my spirit in a way only baby love can. I may go back down there today for some more love when I get off work.

I watched Black Swan last night and absolutely loved it. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have a racy sex scene in it, but I don't think it was anywhere near as graphic as critics would have you believe. It definitely deserves it's R rating. I enjoyed their fantasy make-out session a little more than I probably should but wow, it was just so hot. The close up on the top of Mila Kunis' head as she goes down on Natalie Portman seemed like a bit much to me since we all could have just watched Portman's face to see what was going on. Hubby says he thought her wiping her mouth afterwards was the most graphic, but I hardly even noticed that part. I definitely recommend seeing it, although, I'm still partial to The Red Shoes which seemed more suspenseful to me.

 I am really sad that despite sending my ornaments two weeks ago for the remembering together swaps I joined this year, I had yet to receive either of the return ornaments. I was really looking forward to seeing our loss remembered on our tree but it's not looking like I'll get to. I wish there was some way to publicly shame the people who received their ornaments but didn't send any out. Why join a SWAP if you're not going to participate?

And I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet ninjatoddler. He loves lemons and was very happy to stick his whole hand down in my water to fish it out so he could try and eat it. I love this sweet boy (and his crazy hair!)

Monday, December 20, 2010

I was so exhausted yesterday after leaving Dixie that I just came home, changed into pjs and crashed on the couch. Sorry for the lack of DPP posting. I'll make up for it today by posting two pictures later. It's a 42 hour work week for me which is about twice as much as usual (while in school) so I'll have plenty of opportunity for pictures with my sweet toddlerninja. I also already have homework (well, reading) for next semester! I got an email with like 15 chapters that need to be read before the first week of class as well as a bunch of lab values and abbreviations to memorize. And here I thought that I was getting a break from school.

Today at 4:30 is my appointment with the holistic fertility doctor which will be made more interesting by the fact that I will have the ninja with me. I am still crazy nervous but somewhere inside me there is this little thread of hope that not only will they be able to point us on the right path or provide some additional tests we haven't pursued yet, but that we'll actually be able to afford it as well. Now that my blog is getting viewed a lot more, I kinda feel weird about sharing our infertility journey but that's the reason I started this blog to begin with. I'll keep chronicling our path towards parenthood and the aftermath left behind from loss. I may have to add a guide through all the abbreviations I use here though for all you non-baby-making experts haha.

I assure you there will be an update this evening (with pictures!)

Friday, December 17, 2010

We said goodbye to friends this morning, sending them on their way with a few frozen bagels and some bear hugs. I'm already very excited for them to stay with us on their way back home to North Carolina. We are definitely planning on going to visit them in the next year. It made me just that much more thankful for how far Matt and I have come since he lived with them in Prague. I was proud to show off our love, even if I did feel like on some level I was trying to prove my love to them. I just want them to know as much as I do that this entire journey was worth it for the love that we share.

This is a lovely little wooden sign type thing that I found tonight while shopping for my secret santa gift for Dixie tomorrow. It is now sitting on top of our television to remind us daily that marriage is an art and help us work daily towards making ours even better!
My house is the cleanest it has been since we moved in. It made me realise that I absolutely love getting ready for company, but not anywhere near as much as I love actually having company. It's the same lovely feeling that I get when I think about how nice it would be to live communally. If I thought we could find someone we actually would mesh with, I would have a room mate again. It's not like it seems like we'll be using that guest bedroom for anything else any time soon. Our guests are on a cross country road trip from North Carolina to California. They arrived around 8 and we headed to an amazing restaurant in Fa.yetteville called Grille where everything is grown (or raised) locally and organically. They always have amazing food (and beer and wine) and I couldn't say enough good things about them. They even have a garden on site that I pull things from as well. Our guests are vegetarians and they offer a lot of vegetarian options so we knew it would be a safe bet (and the loved it!)

And now for pictures (maybe pictures of guests will come later.)

My lovely hubby playing his guitar to entertain me while our guests got ready for bed.
And a picture of me with my hair all curly. I would curl it more often but it just takes soooo very long.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Although I still have a bunch to do in the morning before their arrival, we're that much closer to being ready for company. I do wish they were staying longer but I'm hoping they will be able to on their way back. I am so very excited! And also, I can not believe how lazy I have been this week, and how that lazy has fed depression which leads to more laziness. I woke up today with a bunch of gunk in my head and chest and now my body is starting to ache. I am hoping I feel better by morning but for now, I'm thinking of heading to bed early.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I spent the day cleaning like crazy on my hands and knees with a scrubby and it definitely paid off. I've known for a while that mopping my kitchen floor had stopped doing any good since the gunk just kept building up and up, but I never realised how white my floor could actually be! Now to actually clean my guest room so that we can have company Friday night. I am super excited to meet Matt's friends!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

I can't believe I'm sharing a picture of my messy guest room. My car was making such awful noises this morning that I was afraid to drive it. That meant postponing my fertility appointment until next Monday. I was super bummed, came back inside and changed into my pjs, made myself some chai tea, and watched a few episodes of Buffy. What I should have done was pour myself into cleaning since I'll be having company in a few days but it was nice to just slump around lazily. We finished the night watching the Dexter finale from last night at a friend's house with pizza and good conversation. Tomorrow I'll be more productive....or so I say tonight.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

This is all the proof I had that it snowed at all last night. Tomorrow's high is 27. I'm super nervous about my doctor's appointment tomorrow but hopeful that I will get some sort of direction for what we're doing right now on the ttc front.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

We all stayed cuddled inside all night while listening to the 25+mph winds outside. Brrr! The next two days are not supposed to even reach 30 and it said it should feel like it's -7! I have work in the morning and then my doctors appointment Monday at noon but other than that, I don't plan on leaving my house!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Two hours at Jump Zone (which is a huge indoor space with different inflatables) wore me out today.  I was glad to spend some time having fun with him since they'll be gone to Florida for the next week and I will miss him like crazy! And I wasn't even home for 5 minutes before we left to go to Fayetteville. Matt actually go along with one of my friend's boyfriends. It was like being in some parallel universe. If only things went that well all the time (although I guess I'm 2 for 2 out of the past few friends I've introduced him too so I have to give him some credit.) It was an exhausting but great day.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I am pretending like I posted this last night like I had planned! (oops!)

Today was lovely. A nice, relaxing day without a single nursing school obligation! I did a bunch of laundry and then headed off to work to love on my sweet toddlerninja.

And I leave you with a winter view.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I made a 90 on my final today and can't wait for the quick 30 minute test in the morning (that means nothing when it comes to my grade but is still mandatory) so that I can say that my vacation has truly started. It will be filled with lots of nanny work but that's not really work to me since I enjoy it so very much. Excited about my doctor's appointment Monday!

And now, a picture of my silly dog who likes to people watch just as much as I do and always sits in the window when kids get off the school bus in the afternoons.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My poem was featured on Still Life 365 today. "Still life 365 is a unique art project for, about and by mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. still life 365 posts a piece of art every day by a poet, artist, photographer, crafter, musician, collagist, paper artist, filmmaker, painter, sculptor, fabric artist and ordinary person exploring grief through creativity. each piece is an expression of grief, survival, sadness, love and hope. still life 365 is intended to be a safe space for creative expression. still life 365 is open to anyone affected by pregnancy loss not simply parents." It makes me look forward to this semester being over and the possibly for time to just sit and write. For some reason I can write poems that I feel like express my emotions far more than just prose. It's like no amount of blog writing feels more therapeutic that getting done with a poem. Only two more days until I am totally done for a month!!!

I started out my day with this:
 And spent the rest of my day with these (which I am trying to hide from now but must get back to):

And so you get two pictures today. And I'm a third done with this photo challenge!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Sunday, December 5, 2010

This totally summarises my life right now. I procrastinated and now have to rush, rush, rush to get this clinical presentation ready for tomorrow while trying to fit in some time for my hubby (which the T-bone reminds me of....see story below), and watch our favourite tv shows (oh how I wish Battlestar were still around to comfort me). 

As for the stuffed T-bone, when Matt and I were still just friends he had this horrible summer job at the little supermarket in Bald Knob in the meat department. We would talk to each other on the phone (almost every night) and I'd listen to him talk about how horrible it was. Since I've always enjoyed actual snail mail letters, I decided I would write Matt a cute little letter and I drew a big cartoon T-bone steak at the top of the page. I was totally flirting with him all the time by this point but he always figured it was some kind of fluke. He claims it wasn't until this letter that he felt sure I really liked him so it's always had this silly importance to our relationship. And for our 3 year dating anniversary last year, I bought him this silly gift to remind us of the very beginning, of our origin. And now it sits happily on my old school Battlestar Gallactica lunch-box on the bookshelf next to my desk to give me little butterflies when all the nursing school books are weighing down on me.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Anyone who knows us knows we are the least religious people around which made my nanny gig at my boss's Hanukkah party all the more awkward. Matt and I were about 10-15 years younger than everyone there but the kids and tried to retreat to David's bedroom full of cars, trains, and toddlers. I had a long, lovely discussion with a woman who just adopted the most adorable little boy out of foster care and had tons of encouragement. We ate amazing food (latkes, brisket, brownies) and we are both exhausted. Here is a lovely snippet of what the night full of children looked like as they dog-piled each other on the floor (which is way better than the last dinner party where they just tackled me all evening).

Friday, December 3, 2010

I had a fun night tonight full of good friends, yummy mexican food, and intoxication to just the right level. As Matt would put it, I "put my sassy pants on tonight" and had fun trying to annoy him. That's how I got this face out of him. It's so cute since he's such a softy, but our empty threats of physical violence amuse us both.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I joined two different holiday ornament swaps this year to connect with other women who have lost babies as well. It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in my grief. After two trips to Hobby Lobby I was finally prepared to create the ornaments I'll be sending out. One of them goes right here in Arkansas and the other one goes all the way to Alberta, Canada. I'm super excited to get my two new ornaments to hang on our tree too and can't wait to see my sweet little one remembered.

Also, got my appointment at the holistic infertility Dec. 13th. I've started filling out the new patient paper work and it almost gives me butterflies out of excitement (those are actually most likely my lovely drug dulled cramps, yay). Also, once again Matt is promising to quit smoking, so we'll see how that goes.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My puppy (Cordi) was not very happy with the hat I got for her, but I managed to keep it on just long enough to snap a picture before she shook it off. She may be cute but man is she a mess!

I woke up early to cram last minute for my test today and found a quote in my textbook that I really enjoyed. "Hope must be as that way it is different from optimism or wishful thinking. When we have hope, we discover powers within ourselves we may have never known-- the power to make sacrifices, to endure, to heal, and to love. Once we choose hope, everything is possible." I let this quote fill my mind today because lately, it has been really easy to let myself slip into hopelessness. I need some cure for the stagnation I feel on this journey towards becoming a mother. And who knows, I may already be one step closer.

Pretty sure the wicked witch will be here in the morning and it just so happened that today while I was in the waiting room at the dentist flipping through a local magazine, I found an ad for a brand new holistic based fertility clinic right here in my town. They offer a full hormone panel and other blood tests relating to fertility as well as offer acupuncture and chiropractic care geared towards increasing fertility. I went to set up an appointment on their website as soon as I got home and hopefully I'll get a call sometime this week and the appt. will be sometime within the next two weeks. It may amount to nothing. It may be something I like but just can't afford right now. It may end up being just what I need. Either way, I have hope right now that we are headed in a forward motion.

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