Faces of Loss has a monthly writing challenge and this month, in honor of Halloween, the topic is to discuss the figurative masks we wear daily.
I feel like I became less honest with people about who I really am after my loss. I remember feeling the pressure to "just get over it" and so I hid my pain, wearing a mask of strength. I still wear that mask frequently when I'm feeling raw and exposed.
It's amazing to me how well I can fake moods now. I find myself constantly working towards projecting a better mood than I'm actually feeling. A different mask for certain friends, another for nursing school, even another for clinicals. Some days, I forget who I actually am underneath these masks. How long do you wear a mask before it stops being a mask and starts to become who you are? Matt likes to tell me to "fake it til you make it" but I don't feel like that's how I should be getting through each day.
Will there ever be a day where I feel like I can just be me?