Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I just feel like writing. Not about anything in particular so this will mostly be some more narcissistic rambling.

I have my first exam a week from today and I should be using this last little bit before bed to make some more flash cards since I'm only about half way there. There is just so much material to cover that it feels overwhelming to even look at it all. I stayed 3 hours after school ended today practicing taking blood pressure and discussing questions from the companion CD for our Fundamentals of Nursing textbook. I just hope our test will be full of just as many common sense questions as the book had, but I'm definitely thinking I'll be a C student for this class. This Friday is our first skills validation where we have to perform our newly learned skills in front of one of the nursing faculty. I am absolutely terrified of having to do this. I don't perform well when I know I'm being watched and it is causing me so much anxiety. I already warned my lab partner, N, that I am probably going to cry while I take her vital signs. I cried just telling Matt how stressed I am about it and I'm even having nightmares about it. Hopefully it will be one of those things where later I can talk about how silly it was that I was so stressed, but until then, I just try not to think about it.

My sweet little toddler D is going on a European vacation for 3 weeks starting the 20th of this month. I'm super jealous but also sad that I have to go 3 whole weeks without his sweet, sweet face. He gives the best hugs and kisses now. We get to house sit for them for 10 days out of that which should be fun. Their big fluffy dog is pretty awesome.

On a high note, Matt is loving his new job. You can just tell from the way he talks about the boy he's caring for that they've already got a pretty good bond. He almost glows when he talks about it. I am so very happy he got a job that not only pays decently, but is enjoyable as well. If only he didn't have to wait six months to get insurance. You can bet your tukhas (yeah, I'm pulling out the yiddish since it's the Jewish new year after all) that he'll be getting his baby-making abilities checked out as soon as we're not having to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket to do so.

This weekend I am volunteering eight hours at a local green expo. I will be at the NWA Birth Network booth getting to gush on and on about all things midwifery and natural child birth which I am really looking forward to. It is the one thing I could talk about for hours and hours straight without ever getting tired of it. I'm hoping that I will learn a few new things myself since I get to share a shift with a local midwife. I keep thinking, maybe I'll just fall in love with her and then in the midst of these next two hectic years I'll get to be a client of hers. Once again, yes I know I'm a nutter for still hoping that I some how manage to fall pregnant when I'm up to my ears in nursing homework and flash cards, but it is the one thing I want more in life than to be a nurse midwife and I would be so thrilled. Once Matt gets his "boys" checked out, I'll definitely be using my new health insurance to get some more diagnostic tests done on myself as well. Who knows, maybe even one day I'll have a nice, cushy nursing job with awesome insurance that will cover infertility... a girl can dream, can't she?

Off to bed now in the hopes that I can find the motivation to work out in the morning. I had a request to discuss the fire that burnt our apartment down in January of 2008 so perhaps I'll relive that in my next post. It's just going to be a month of depressing posts because soon I'm going to write out the story of my short lived pregnancy since I'll be featured on facesofloss.com around the 2 year mark of my loss. What a fun blog this must be to read...jeeze.


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