Sunday, August 29, 2010

September 19th is creeping up on me so quickly. That's the day that I knew for sure that I would never have the chance to parent that sweet little baby. It's hard for me to believe that almost 2 years have gone by. Those 2 years have gone past in a blur. It's hard now to imagine being away from Matt for more than a few days so it's easy for me to block out the 6 months we were separated after my miscarriage. It's like I relieve those moments over and over around this time of year. I like to tell myself once we have living children it won't be like this, that I won't watch the calender move toward that date and just want to curl up inside my own shell, away from the world where I constantly feel surrounded by babies and pregnant women.

My bestest friend is in the last weeks of her pregnancy right now and I constantly kill myself lately with guilt knowing that if she has that sweet little boy of hers (whose name will be Elias) on the 19th which is just a few days after her due date, it will be so very difficult for me to make the drive down to Little Rock to meet him. I know I will love this sweet boy so very much, but that won't take away the longing that will fill me up as I hold him in my arms. She is already having lots of braxton hicks contractions and thinks he'll be here sooner rather than later, and I am so hoping she is right. It will just make it that much easier for me, and I know she's sooo ready to meet her baby boy too!

I'm definitely feeling the stress of nursing school already. I spent 3 hours on one homework assignment yesterday at my new friend N's house. I am very excited to have actually met some awesome people so far and I'm sure these next two years will bring many more new friends too. Tomorrow is vital signs and I get my stethescope which is super exciting!

After making some decent money at Dixie this morning, Matt and I decided to treat ourselves to a movie. We watched Dinner For Schmucks which was absolutely hilarious. We watched the original french version of the film about a year ago and laughed the whole time. It was just as enjoyable sans subtitles and with many familiar faces. The casting was spot on too. We are going to curl up on the couch and watch the first episode of another British cop show now since we've watched through all of Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes (two absolutely awesome shows about a person having an accident and ending up back in time, one in 1972 and one in 1982). This show we're about to watch, State of Play, has two of the same actors, including my favorite from both shows, Philip Glenister. Then it will definitely be time for bed. I didn't do my reading for class in the morning so I'm going to try and wake up early to get it done.

I am drinking way too much coffee now.

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