Saturday, May 15, 2010

I forgot to talk about the super sweet card that Matt got me for Mother's Day. The day itself just sucked! I worked at Dixie all day long and had people ask me whether I was a mother or not a million times. It stung each and every single time that I just smiled and said, "Not yet!" and let them go back to their death free celebration. Every bone in my body wanted to scream at them, "I should be! She should be about a year old now! But life's not fair! Life can sometimes just suck!" Thankfully my day had been started off right though. I didn't read the card that Matt gave me until I was about to go inside at work. I can't remember what the actually printed card said, but the words he wrote inside are burnt upon my heart now. He said he knew things were tense and our future may seem uncertain, but every time he pictures his future children, they always have my eyes. He signed it, "For all the things we've lost, and all that we stand to gain." It was the best thing he could have ever bought me for that day and it made me do more than just tear up.

Those will be the words I force myself to remember next time we fight. All the things we stand to gain just being together. All the happiness we add to each other's lives that so outweighs any other emotion.

Last night, after I got off work, we curled up on the couch after I made dinner, like we always do, but last night it was different. We just each had a different look in our eye, a new realization perhaps, maybe just desire, but it was great. I seriously love thinking about spending the rest of my life with him.

Our three year wedding anniversary is on Monday! I work the next 5 shifts at Dixie, which I'm mostly doing so we can do whatever we want Monday night. We might even decide to celebrate on Tuesday too. Part of me mourns how different we both thought our lives would be by now. It seems silly to mourn not having to get a babysitter, but I do. For the most part though, I'm just so thankful to have made it this far. As the few of my readers out there know, we've been through more than our fair share these past 3 years and we have both been tested on every level. Yet we endure. We are stronger now than we'd been with smooth sailing. I definitely know more about myself than I would have if I'd never been forced to, if I'd never took that dive off the deep end. I think resilient is the best word for our relationship right now. I am so ready to put some more distance between past mistakes and the amazing future that awaits us. We're still not sure what we're going to do yet, fancy dinner, drinks, who knows, but we'll have a great time as long as we're together.

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